By Jerry Rosie (USUA #A86096)

And a good day to all who are reading this month's edition of Around the Patch. I can tell what time of year it is and what the weather is like without looking out the window, calling 1-800-WX BRIEF or anything along that line. I can tell from the number of newsletters received at USUA HQ and the content of those few newsletters that arrived through the mail. Not much flying being reported, but a great number of clubs are announcing Christmas parties and dinners.

I was happy to receive a copy of a newsletter from the Wild West Ultralight Association since it was, to my recollection, the first copy of that newsletter we received. I'd like to encourage all clubs who are reading this, and who publish a newsletter, to send a copy to USUA via either email (usua@usua.org) or to 104 Carlisle Street, Gettysburg, PA 17325. It is a good way to get the word of what your club is doing posted here and another way that the HQ staff has of knowing what is going on in your neighborhood. (Next year, when it comes time to vote for the "Club of the Year", USUA needs to know what you are doing in order to consider your club for the award.) And by the way, it is not necessary to have a "professional looking" newsletter to make sure it is read by USUA staff. While some newsletters are quite professional looking - with color photo's, differing type fonts, and watermark backgrounds, we also get newsletters that are written in longhand and duplicated on a copy machine. We read all of them.

Since the newsletters all announce that winter is here and Christmas is coming, it is appropriate that we, also, recognize that fact. Much has been written about preparing your flying machines for the winter, so we will just refer you to those publications. Little has been written, however, about how to conduct ones self at the many Christmas parties that are taking place throughout the country. It is with this in mind that we are passing along rules and tips for Christmas parties and hope that they get to all that need them in time for their celebrations.

Holiday Tips:

• Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas Spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. go next door, where they are serving rum balls.
  
  
• Drink as much egg nog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it is rare. In fact, it's even rarer that single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of the year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's easier than you think. It's Christmas.
  
  
• If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat volcano. Repeat.
  
  
• As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they are made with skim milk or whole milk. It it's skim, pass. Why bother? it's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
  
  
• Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. the whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?!
  
  
• Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10 pound plate of food and that vat of egg nog.
  
  
• If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful airplane, if you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
  
  
• Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
  
  
• Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
  
• One final tip. If you don't feel terrible when you leave a party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips, start over, but hurry. January is just around the corner.
  
  

Remember this motto to live by:

And that's the end of this month's Around the Patch. Happy Holidays - Fly Safe - and have a ball. Remember - It's "Fly for Fun!"